Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The NEW Customer Service

Your business is important to us, please hold. Currently, your wait time will be 2 minutes. Your business is important to us, please hold. All of our relationship managers are busy, please hold. Your business is important to us, please hold. All of our customer service representatives are busy, please hold. Your business is important to us, please hold. Press zero to speak with an operator. Your business is important to us, please hold. Press one for English, press two for Spanish, press three for Chinese. Your business is important to us, please hold. A customer service representative will be with you in 7 minutes. Your business is important to us, please hold. Press one to review your account. Your business is important to us, please hold. If you would like to pay your bill, press three. Your business is important to us, please hold. All representatives are busy, please go to www dot we couldn’t care less about our customers dot com. Your business is important to us, please hold. Your wait time is now 3 minutes. Your business is important to us, please hold. If you would like to return an item, please hold. Our relations specialists will be with you in a moment. Your business is important to us, please hold. If you would like to place an order, please go to our store location or visit our website. Your business is important to us, please hold. Our customer care managers will be right with you. Your business is important to us, please hold. If you would like to know more about your account, please visit our web site. If you would like to discuss an error on your bill, please hold. Your business is important to us, please hold. You are next in the service queue; a service associate will be with you shortly. We are sorry but you have exceeded the wait time, please call back when a customer service representative is available.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Simple Accounting


American banks really should try using simple accounting to remedy their issues. It seems they’re too busy with whatever you want to call what it is they do, rather than accounting for the money and assets within their institution.

Case In Point:

21st Century bank statements don’t cover proper accounting, or what should be banking procedure. At least, procedure as defined for anyone who has completed basic high school accounting. As the high school student can tell you for your accounts to balance you need the following:

Receivables, this is a list of all deposits.

Payables, this is a list of all debits. Debits may be broken down into several categories, checks, transfers, fees, charges. The proper form is a list for each category.

Summary, this is a short list of the account showing previous balance, in, out and current balance.

You’d think with all the technology at their disposal, they’d include all pertinent information on the statement.

Today’s mail brought a bank statement which included a summary and a running balance.

Transaction History or Running Balance, this is a list of the in and out from the account. This is nice to include a running balance sheet but is not a statement of account.

This running balance is good to know if you tend to overextend yourself, but kiting checks puts you in danger of bouncing checks, getting charged mega-dollars in fees, not to mention bouncing checks is illegal.

The question that comes to mind: If this is the state of banking at this small level, imagine what a mess it is on a large scale…

What’s that you say? You’ve been reading the financial news headlines?… Well, then you already know…

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Oil Company Spokesperson Recommends Walking

News Flash

In an unprecedented move today, Oil Companies collectively agree that walking is a preferred mode of transportation for most citizens. The loosely associated collective of behemoth companies have agreed to price their commodity completely out of the reach of most citizens sending the recent statical trend of increased reserve and reduced consumption to spike drastically.

While getting to work may be a problem for most people, an oil company spokesperson said, off-the-record, “our people aren’t really the concerned with the general population or the economy. Quarterly profits will be up and people will have to figure out how to pay or walk.”

When asked if this won’t adversely affect the company in the long term, the anonymous spokesperson said, “The point of raising prices is more profit now. It should be evident; we have no long term plan.”

Back to you in the studio…

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Chocolate & Sunshine


As much as the world changes, it remains the same. The individual story and the accessories change but the story of humankind: love, hate, peace, violence, these things are the human story.

One might think that with enough time and learning we too should move closer to the ideal of what a human being should wish to be, want to be, and become. But as much as we see two steps forward, it seems that we’re at least two steps back.

Who was it who said: Love your brother as yourself? And when was that…

The Golden Rule moves my spirit… I practice it daily to make it a reality not only in my small part of the world but with the hope that what greater people than I have said becomes the reality we all need so badly.

The awareness of what we do, what we buy, how we treat each other flows out like the motion of a water droplet onto a glass-like still pond, gives each of us an awesome responsibility. Everything counts.

If what we do not only impacts those immediately around us but around the world, how too does it impact the generations yet to arrive. What will you say when your children or grandchildren ask about the world you leave to them… because you were here is there more kindness… more generosity, more love?

Shouldn’t we say to our grandchildren, I was there when we conquered poverty, I contributed to eradicating pollution, it was my country that moved fearlessly into a better future, I sang in the streets when the Declaration of Independence and the Ideals of our 1776 forefathers became a reality. Wouldn’t that just be awesome to say that to your kids? What you do today makes a difference. Everything makes a difference.

It doesn’t matter how it’s said, but the following are words that help keep us on the road to a better future.

Blessed is he who prefers his brother to himself.

Do naught to others that which if done to you would cause pain.

What is hateful to you, do not to your fellows.

That nature only is good when it shall not do unto another whatever is not good for its own self.

Hurt not other with that which pains yourself.

To hurt them is not at all good. Beloved, then, hurt thou not any one’s heart.

He is kind to the kind, he is also kind to the unkind: for virtue is kind.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.

With that I wish you prosperity in love and money, a fun filled and productive 2011 and lots and lots of chocolate and sunshine! ;)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Money is for Spending


“Sit still,” the mother commanded.

A little girl, a precocious child, sat in a hard chair while her mother brushed her hair from behind.

“So he’s getting a raise,” she continued the conversation with her sister.

“Good for you, I wish Chuck would get a raise soon,” said the aunt.

“Doesn’t he get cost of living raises?”

“Yes, but not until the end of the year.”

“Ouch,” said the little girl.

“You make me pull when you wiggle,” she scolded the girl, then continued with her sister, “Well, you’ll have more then. We’ll be able to do so much more with the money.”

“It won’t be more by the time you get it,” said the girl of five years.

“What are you talking about?” the mother demanded.

“The money,” she replied.

“She thinks she’s so smart, this one,” she said to her sister, as she biffed the back of the little girl’s head.

“Ow,” the girl complained.

“What about the money?” asked the aunt.

“You should only get more money when you do more or do it better,” said the girl, “because it’s not really more money.”

“Yes, it is,” the aunt said.

“No,” said the girl turning around in the chair to face her aunt. “If you get a little money then the prices go up, then you get more money then the prices go up, it’s what they do, it’s a game,” declared the child, “there is a way to make the game work for everyone but grown-ups don’t understand the way the game works.”

“It’s not a game, and you need to keep your mouth shut!” the mother yelled and sent the child to her room.

After the aunt left, the mother came into the girl’s room. The mother said, “It’s for your own good. You need to learn to not be so smart.” Then she spanked the girl until the girl’s face felt hot.

But the girl didn’t cry because she knew she was correct. She decided she’d keep the answer to the game to herself until it was time for a change or forever, whichever happened first.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Gouge and SyCophant: a tragic comedy

Monsieur Gouge and Sy Cophant, his clerk, were deep in conversation. Profits were down and Monsieur Gouge was not pleased with the return on his money.

Sy Cophant: But sir, the whole economy is slow. When the others use the consolidation formula pulling increased profit out for their stockholders, we see less earnings.

Monsieur Gouge: That’s no excuse Cophant! I want results. We must get results!

Sy Cophant: We could look at expenses again.

Monsieur Gouge: I knew you’d think of something. Read them.

Sy Cophant: Overhead: building, heat…

Monsieur Gouge: What can we lower?

Sy Cophant: The temperature. We’ll save on the heating bill this winter.

Monsieur Gouge: Your suggestion?

Sy Cophant: Well, research shows people usually slip their jackets off when they come into the store. I suggest we lower the temperature so they don’t have to remove their coats as they shop. That way, they’ll stay comfortable while shopping.

Monsieur Gouge: Very considerate. How much? How much?

Sy Cophant: The estimates show a 10 – 20% savings on the heating bill depending on the difference between the outdoor and indoor temperatures.

Monsieur Gouge: Excellent! Make it 30%! What’s next?

Sy Cophant: There are the employees, sir.

Monsieur Gouge: They always cost so much. What about them?

Sy Cophant: That’s the trouble sir, they’ll stop being customers if they don’t have jobs.

Monsieur Gouge: How many times have I told you, Cophant? The employees just cost money! They aren’t customers. The customers shop. The employees cost. When will you get that straight?!

Sy Cophant: Sorry, sir. You’re right, sir.

Monsieur Gouge: Lower the wages.

Sy Cophant: Lower the wages?

Monsieur Gouge: Yes, lower the wages. Except yours, Cophant, you get a big bonus because you do as I ask.

Sy Cophant: Thank you, sir.

Monsieur Gouge: How much?

Sy Cophant: Well, they’re already at minimum wage, sir.

Monsieur Gouge: Damn government. This is the government’s fault. So, what do we do?

Sy Cophant: We can lay-off staff.

Monsieur Gouge: Yes, lay them off.

Sy Cophant: Who exactly?

Monsieur Gouge: How much is payroll?

Sy Cophant leans over toward Monsieur Gouge holding the papers at an angle, points to a number on the balance sheet.

Monsieur Gouge: What? That much?

Sy Cophant: Employee wages are down 30% from 10 years ago.

Monsieur Gouge: All of them.

Sy Cophant: All of them?

Monsieur Gouge: Yes. I want that money. Stop paying everyone. Except you, Cophant, you can have another bonus. You are so useful.

Sy Cophant: Thank you, sir. I appreciate that, sir. But sir, the customers?

Monsieur Gouge: Sometimes, I don’t know about you, Cophant! You seem so smart and then you ask the dumbest questions. Haven’t you heard about self-serve?

Sy Cophant: It will be done.

Monsieur Gouge: So, how do we increase sales? Get more customers? Do you think I should Twitter?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Worst Christmas Since the Great Depression

Come on people, ya’ll are just being greedy not spending money to buy things you don’t need, or need. It doesn’t matter you don’t have a job. You’re just not in the spirit of the season. It doesn’t matter that prices have gone up. You’re just stingy. It doesn’t matter that your standard of living has plummeted. You just don’t understand what Christmas is all about!

It’s a sad state of the nation when people willing to work are forced to work for less than it costs to survive and on their day off, have to stand in line with below freezing temperatures to get bread & ramen noodles. We're not even talking about people who have lost everything, because they've stopped being statistically counted.

But where’s their Christmas spirit? After all, there are all those tax incentives if they’d only buy a house. Then they’d buy all the things you need to go with a new house and a new car and a new wardrobe and CDs and movies and books and toys and jewelry and greeting cards and go out to eat at restaurants and take vacations and send gifts to friends and get new luggage and redecorate their house and go to plays and musicals and build a pool or a hot tub, have parties and you know, have a life.

Haven’t you seen all the commercials, the marketing, and all the pretty holiday advertising? They come to get you on the Internet. Search for “coat” and clothing company catalogs will show up in the e-mail, pop up ads will abound. Look up real estate and have coincidental marketers call your home for a free market analysis.

Can’t you tell that the man at the top is stomping his foot. It’s not Chris Crinkle, it’s the billionaire wishing for his Christmas thrill, to reach a Trillion.

Come on people, get with the program.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Poverty in America

Two former co-workers met on the street.

Ann: "OH Becky, we all just miss you so much since they laid off your department."

Becky: "Have they hired anyone back?"

Ann: "No, they just redistributed the work and sent the essential stuff overseas. Cost cutting, you know how it is."

Becky: "Yes, I know."

Ann: "They're doing so good now, I got a bonus."

Becky: "Good for you, Ann."

Ann: "Yes, we're going on that cruise I told you about."

Becky: "Do send me a postcard."

Ann: "I will. You know Becky, you lost so much weight. I just hate you for looking so good."

Becky: "You should try my new diet."

Ann: Is it one of those expensive drink diets?"

Becky: "No."

Ann: "Is it one of those with the special food?"

Becky: "No."

Ann: "It's not counting calories, is it? I hate that."

Becky: "No."

Ann: "Don't keep it a secret. Tell me!"

Becky: "Poverty."

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Function of the Soothsayer

In the old days, there were people, men & women who were "unlikely advisers" to the power elite. They were called many things but most commonly we hear of them as soothsayers.

The soothsayer had special talents beyond that of most men. While the powerful made the decisions that impacted the whole of the society in which they lived, the soothsayer could help the elite keep a balance and avoid supernatural retribution.

Soothsayer Talents included interpretation of weather, of dreams... in an effort to obtain fair weather for good business, to achieve goals.

When the power elite were out of balance, weather and storms would turn nasty toward those areas that were under the power elite's control. People would ask, why the ocean storm destroyed a city? why the bugs ate the crops? why the vermin spread disease? why the ice came three years in a row? why the heat burned the ground?

In the Bible and other ancient texts, we read that both dream interpretation and deciphering weather and natural "disasters" correctly helped to appease God and temper the climate, both in nature and in business, for the betterment of all.

It's all about balance, indeed, every generation is sent soothsayers, people who can see the forest and the trees, that understand the yin & the yang, understanding the balance of life as a whole, not only as it appears on a spreadsheet.

Today, we see the value of business plummet, the weather completely out of control, and the soothsayers know the relationship between the two and how to remedy the situation. But where are they? They're an undiscovered resource, just waiting to be asked... in other words, the soothsayers are unheard because they're unemployed...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Comments on 2008

It’s in the news, it’s on everyone’s mind, but no one says it. This was the WORST Christmas season in memory. For Americans, this season was overwhelming sad. The sadness was truly palpable.

As if it were something over which to exude pride, an announcement in the paper read, more children than ever received some or all of their Christmas gifts from charity donations. Parents cry tears of gratitude, laced with despair and depression for their inability to make a living in the richest country in the world.

News writers declared earlier this month that it’s only a previous taboo to let go or lay off workers through the holiday season. It’s okay now. Oh really?

Would someone please explain how is it okay auto companies get the money and close the plants, at Christmas no less?

Where’s the relief for the families facing or going through foreclosure? The continuing and overwhelming numbers of families loosing everything is shameful. Banks got their money. Billions! But families are still being put out on the street. Where are those relief dollars going? The banks won’t tell, won’t tell? Won’t Tell? Won’t Account?

Love the drop in gas prices! But where’s the rebate check from being (please choose the words you like best) overcharged, extorted, extracted, obtained under duress, ripped off, for how many years?? Was it six or seven years of mostly rising, gouging prices? And let’s remember how rich they all were at 75 cents a gallon.

The crowning glory, even the elite have realized there’s a problem because their profits have gone down. They’re a bit slow on that epiphany. How many years slow could be debated. But the hysterical part is that the economists still don’t get it. Do institutions of higher education only suck the common sense or the complete brain out of these people’s heads?

To be a truly great economist the qualifications must read: blathering idiot able to keep a straight face in front of a camera while spewing nonsensical rot to take the focus off the real and simple solutions by making everything seem complicated through a series of algebraic equations which any sensible seventh grader will tell you has no applicability in real life past figuring marginally useful information, miles per gallon, etc.

An economist quoted in today’s paper actually said that it was the worker’s fault the plants had to close but it should have closed 15 or 20 years ago because those workers were just getting paid too much money. Is he being sarcastic? No, the fellow really believes it.

Contrary to economist’s beliefs, workers are customers until they’re unemployed. Just a guess but it’s doubtful that any of the people laid off will buy a new car in 2009. Hooray, lower sales next year! Squeezing your workers… customers… workers… customers… workers… out of existence, just doesn’t make for large profits. And, if you keep it up long enough there are no profits at all.

As we come to the beginning of 2009, let’s hope the privileged have a moment of clarity: get rid of all their advisors that have gotten them into this mess, talk to some real sensible people and get things back on track.

Accountability is only required of those who have the ability to make the change, the rest just live with the consequences of things out of their control.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Customer Dis-Service

Ever been disrespected by your credit card company? I hear it happens all the time to folks who, ummm, pay their bills.

Apparently, in some meeting, the smart people at the top decided to treat all their customers the same.

Pay your bill or don’t pay your bill, you will be calling someone in a distant land, who doesn’t quite understand what you say, no matter what you say, or how you say it and they will deny charges and create embarrassing situations, perhaps, even ruin your relationship with stores, business people and even with your employer, and why?

The answer comes in broken English, “You are using your credit card.”

But what are the details you ask? Perhaps, there was something wrong… something happening that was unusual that alerted the security department to suspend credit?

Here are the gory details: low pending balance plus one family birthday (sent flowers to grandma), business expense (charged a gift to a client), cold weather (charged a purchase of kids’ jackets) and craft projects (Christmas is Coming)…

Was the balance approaching the limit? No… not half way.

Was there a late payment? No… everything’s on time.

Were the charges all at once (like a stolen credit card)? No… charges were made over several days.

The account history shows that credit card use goes up this time of year. So, what’s the problem?

Retail Establishments encouraging spending this time of year should note that some credit card companies are working against them. So, if sales don’t go up put the blame where it belongs, on companies that treat their good customers the same as bad customers. Disrespectfully”.

“So why,” the customer asks, “would you not approve the charge?”

Customer Dis-Service: “You used your credit card.”

Customer: “Was there a problem?”

Customer Dis-Service: “No, no problem.The security department denied the charges.”

Customer: “Did they try to call me to find if they were my charges?”

CD-S: “No. The security department only denies charges.”

C: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

CD-S: “You were using your card.”

C: “Yes, I used my card. But why was the charge denied? Am I close to my credit limit?”

CD-S: “No You have $****.** still available. “

C: “But they denied this $114.00”

CD-S: "Yes"

C: “And didn’t call?”

CD-S: “No, they don’t call”

C: “So they don’t want my business?”

CD-S: “Oh, you are a good customer”

C: “Will they call the company back and amend the situation?”

CD-S: “Amend?”

C: “Yes, will the security department or you, customer service, call the company that you denied the charges and tell them that my account is fine and put the charge through.”

CD-S: "No, you will call them, please."

C: “So won’t correct this situation with the company for me.”

CD-S: "You will call them, and tell them we said your credit is okay.”

C: “But you just told them it was denied.”

CD-S: “Yes, Can I Help You with Something Else?”

C: “Well, you haven’t exactly helped me with this. You do realize that I’ll be using a different company.”

CD-S: “Thank you. Can I Help You with Something Else?”

C: “You’re in India, aren’t you?”

CD-S: “Yes”

C: “Have A Great Day!”

CD-S: “Thank you.”

The security department didn’t pend the charge, they denied it. The guy in India didn’t understand or didn't care that I'll put the charge on a different company's account, didn’t understand or didn't care that it was a problem for me to call them to find out that there was nothing wrong, they just wanted me to call… Isn’t that special?

I’m not sure, but... I think someone doesn’t have a clue…

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Shopping / Hunting, Same Difference

Elizabeth Montgomery popped onto the TV screen and announced Bewitched was coming next…in color… She was a fabulous actress and beautiful woman. The Bewitched Show wasn’t amongst the best material to showcase her talent but it certainly entertained many people through the years.

One black & white episode comes to mind when Mother and Samantha go shopping at a department store. Samantha explains to Mother that the object of shopping was to find lovely items on sale. She tells Mother that it’s really kind of fun.

Today at Kohl’s, the sale racks started at 40% off, the height of savings the 70% off. The hunt is on…. with the sale flyer and coupon 30% off, it was clearly time to shop.

Shopping is always such an experience. Often reminiscent of the world in which I grew up, I can’t help but note how far manners and general decorum has fallen… and frankly, it doesn’t matter to me if it’s the style for everyone’s flab to hang-out all over… at 200 pounds, honey, the small sizes just aren’t going to fit! What happened to the cry for self-respect? Oh yes, and adding perfume does not take the place of a bath…. Really!

Fun as it is, judging the other women in the store, wasn’t my mission… it was the item of most savings, I sought.

The 70% off rack is usually pretty sad. It’s full of horrible prints that even a bag lady wouldn’t wear. Makes you wonder about clothing designers and store buyers doesn’t it? But every once in a while, there’s an out-of-season item that makes its way to the rack. These are the items of “I bought it on sale” legend.

A practiced shopper can flip through a rack with the force of purpose, but you must have knowledge of several things before you get up to speed. You must know a) your size, b) your colors, c) a good deal versus cheap crap… Armed with this information you too are ready to Flick, flick, flick… Too ugly, Too big… Oh My Gawd…. Flick, flick, as the hangers scrape along the metal rod…

And then, there it was between the flower print and the baby vomit color jacket… a purple sweater… before we go any farther let’s go through the process, because let’s face it, many items on the sale rack are missing buttons or ripped and really should be removed from the store but management or a lazy clerk fails to remove them and the unwary shopper may purchase a defective garment. And a defective garment is not a deal. So, we need to check, everything.

Pulling the hanger from the rack, the arms appear the same length… since it’s a sweater is it stretched out in some odd way… no… check the inside of the collar for wear (is it a returned item?)… no… At this point, the excitement starts to build… check the seams… looking good and then the moment of Truth… does it fit? YES!

Starting at $44.00, marked down, down, down to $7.20… then subtract the 30% coupon… -.72 x 3 = 2.16 …. 7.20 – 2.16 = $4.04 TRIUMPH… less than 10% on a great purple sweater! Granted it’s August and I probably won’t wear it until late September or October… But I’m okay with waiting for the big day.

The Shopping Huntress Applauds…

Saturday, July 12, 2008

It's About The Economy, Stupid!

By middle age, one would think that you might understand the happenings in life better. But I find myself not understanding more people in more ways...

Case in point: Economy

Economy is the movement of money from one person to another. It is conceivable that with just a few wealthy people within a town, the town’s economy would thrive by circulating the money and thrive if there were some clever people able to bring more money into the town to circulate more at a faster rate. For this to happen, everyone needs to understand their function in that economy.

There are bakers, and butchers. There are nurse and doctors. There are gardeners and merchants. There are teachers and mechanics. There are postal workers and street cleaners. There are repair men, paper delivery people, artists, manufacturers, computer programmers, inventors, gas station attendant, hat check or coat check attendants, restroom attendants, door men, elevator attendants, store clerks, chefs, tailors, people that get paid to do any number of jobs and services… necessary for the humanity of a civilized world.

Everyone that works in the town employs other people in the town. In fact, for a good thriving economy, the more people each and every person can employ to do the smallest of tasks, through business, the better the economy. Imagine the possibilities!

Take my neighbor… Please… He’s a lawyer, a professional, well, at one time that was considered a profession, with status. But this guy, who is an example of his generation and the problem with society today, is that he does everything himself. He hates to pay anyone for anything he can do half as well.

Handy as he may consider his attempts at home maintenance and repair, his house is not the jewel on the street. In fact, he does most things less than adequate. But he does it himself and he’s happy with the shabby look, I suppose, because he didn’t pay anyone else to do it. He fails to add to the economy. He doesn’t pay gardeners, landscape architects, fence builders, painters, car mechanics, OH NO! He makes regular runs to the liquor store and shovels landscaping rocks for hours on end. I heard he wonder why his business is so slow… and why people have started filling out legal documents themselves…. He was serious.

And his wife…she works outside the home. Of course she does. Instead of being an example of morality to the community, instead of volunteering her time, she slaves in an office for someone else who obviously doesn’t pay her very much because this lawyer’s little wife, cleans her own house, washes her own car, helps her husband paint decks. They often eat at Mc Donald’s, Taco Bell or order Pizza Delivery. No nice restaurants for this working woman of the 21st century married to a lawyer, no shopping sprees… she lives a lower working class life style and calls herself liberated.

And their child… it’s all about day care, baby!

These aren’t the only folks that have personally shared their ability to do everything for themselves.

The Periodontist stained his deck. The dentist repaired some flooring. The Marketing Director of a Major corporation can be seen every week cutting his own yard. The Bank President was seen changing the oil in his car. The Million Dollar Sales Person who irons her own clothes. The Teacher-of-the-Year cuts her own children’s hair. The Computer Programmer builds bed frames for his kid’s bedrooms. The Doctor of Science painted his office at work!

Every time, I see what should be an upper middle class professional laboring away… I wonder why they went to college when they really wanted to be working class?

They do it all themselves. They wonder why sales are down… few people can afford their services.

Everyone has gone to the do-it-yourself method of everything. And the economy… well… you know…