Money is for Spending

“Sit still,” the mother commanded.

A little girl, a precocious child, sat in a hard chair while her mother brushed her hair from behind.

“So he’s getting a raise,” she continued the conversation with her sister.

“Good for you, I wish Chuck would get a raise soon,” said the aunt.

“Doesn’t he get cost of living raises?”

“Yes, but not until the end of the year.”

“Ouch,” said the little girl.

“You make me pull when you wiggle,” she scolded the girl, then continued with her sister, “Well, you’ll have more then. We’ll be able to do so much more with the money.”

“It won’t be more by the time you get it,” said the girl of five years.

“What are you talking about?” the mother demanded.

“The money,” she replied.

“She thinks she’s so smart, this one,” she said to her sister, as she biffed the back of the little girl’s head.

“Ow,” the girl complained.

“What about the money?” asked the aunt.

“You should only get more money when you do more or do it better,” said the girl, “because it’s not really more money.”

“Yes, it is,” the aunt said.

“No,” said the girl turning around in the chair to face her aunt. “If you get a little money then the prices go up, then you get more money then the prices go up, it’s what they do, it’s a game,” declared the child, “there is a way to make the game work for everyone but grown-ups don’t understand the way the game works.”

“It’s not a game, and you need to keep your mouth shut!” the mother yelled and sent the child to her room.

After the aunt left, the mother came into the girl’s room. The mother said, “It’s for your own good. You need to learn to not be so smart.” Then she spanked the girl until the girl’s face felt hot.

But the girl didn’t cry because she knew she was correct. She decided she’d keep the answer to the game to herself until it was time for a change or forever, whichever happened first.

Relationship Ends

Ending a relationship, especially a life-long relationship, isn’t easy and usually isn’t done without thoughtful reflection. In some cases there is malingering contact that isn’t a relationship but isn’t broken off completely either.

Despite knowing this from past experiences in other relationships, there was one relationship that no matter how much I tried to let go, I found myself returning to “check-in” from time to time, sometimes months, sometimes years between checks. My obligation was often prompted by other people’s questions or stories of reconciliation after years apart. People do change, why don’t you try again? Maybe this time will be different.

Through the Years
So the magical thinking child inside of me, checked-in for a number of years wanting to make everything okay. The emotional adolescent checked-in for some time, angry at the wrongs and hoping for a change. Then finally, the spiritual adult arrived on the scene and said, ‘hey I’m just here to check-in because that’s what people do.’ The adult checking-in had no rhyme just randomly, periodically, via phone, mail, email… Still continuing to do what seemed obligatory by societal standards, though mentally and emotionally knowing nothing would change.

Grace from Above
The cosmic continuum lined up and in a series of events I found myself pulling up to where she was, standing there waiting. Must be a sign we hadn’t seen each other in fifteen years.

Revelation and Release
My appearance obviously came as a complete surprise. For the first time instead of the long standing declaration of love and care, ‘Yes, call,’ ‘Yes, this is important’; I heard, ‘No, don’t call’ and ‘No, I don’t want to see you.’

What I said was: ‘Coming here was a mistake. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

What I thought was: “Finally, the truth… Thank you.”

What happened was the simple realization that there was nothing there… and there never had been.

Natural Consequence Versus Punishment

As human beings, we are a part of the natural world even though some egos would like to say that we’re better than or apart from Nature. Human beings are subject to all the same laws as all other creatures, natural consequences included.

Natural consequences are those things that can’t be helped. They are scientific and subject to the same results if Jack does the experiment or if Jill does the experiment.

An experiment with gravity:
Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

Fall at the top of a hill + gravity = Find yourself at the bottom of the hill.
Natural consequence.

Punishment is entirely a different situation. Punishment is not the natural consequence of actions. Punishment does not come from any natural law.

We can see the difference between Natural Consequence versus Punishment in this example:

If a dog failed to finish all the food, the natural consequences might be:
a) another animal might finish the food
b) carrion birds or flies would finish the food
c) the food would rot

If a child failed to clean their plate of all food provided, the natural consequence might be:
a) another person might finish the food
b) the food might go bad
c) an animal might finish the food
d) the food might be thrown away

Not a natural consequence might be one or more of the following:
e) forced to finish the food anyway
f) denied food at another time
g) spanked
h) grounded

Parental authority allows for punishment of children, but don’t let that be misconstrued with anything like the natural consequences of actions.

Threaten a dog, beat a dog, or tease a dog, and the dog will bite.
Natural consequence.

Punishment is simply the choice of the authority/punisher to inflict their will on someone under their authority. When they say to the punished, ‘it’s a natural consequence of your behavior'; the authority seeks to avoid the responsibility for their actions. Avoiding responsibility may go unpunished, but there are always natural consequences.

Preview

‘For this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found’. And they began to be merry.’ ~Luke 15:24

A child of the 60s, teen in the 70s, not a boomer or a gen-Xer, I am of the Lost Generation. The Lost Generation watched, as children, seeing daily death from Vietnam on the 6 o’clock news. The Lost Generation watched as the economy took mothers out of their homes, out of their children’s lives, to be employees. The Lost Generation turned to ‘sex, drugs and rock n roll’ to abate the depression that was their lives.

For me: I married at 18, was a divorced mother by 19. Finding the way, for my son and myself was difficult. Without guidance, I went to the school of hard knocks, which gained me the gift "discernment" by experience. At 21, just becoming an adult, I recognized the benefits of walking the Road of Happy Destiny and set about making amends for past mistakes and truly living as Jesus instructed and God intended.

The story of the prodigal son has always brought tears to my eyes. Partially, because I am found, out of a generation lost, and in spite of my best effort, my first son is lost to me, not unlike the Biblical prodigal to his father.

In the Garden of Gethsemane and while He hung on the cross, we are told that Jesus felt sorrow. Even as he hung on the cross dying, he cried, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” feeling the darkness of being Lost.

During Lent and Easter, I am reminded of His Sacrifice for the Lost and of the Joy of Being Found.

Thought:

May the tears of today,
Water the flowers of tomorrow,
And bring Light to the eyes that behold them.



Submitted, this day, for print publication.

Mother's Day 2008

For Mother’s Day 2008 to meet expectations it must reach an estimated spending spree of $3.8 billion. This breaks down, according to IBIS World, in the following way: $2.6 billion on flowers, $1.53 billion on pampering gifts, and $68 million on greeting cards. Notably, 7.8% of jewelry sales are attributed to Mother’s Day gifts.

Greeting card holidays always seemed, well, commercial. Instead, it seems that a tribute paid to honorable people, or ideals might be better served in thoughtful deed at a more logical or appropriate time.

The purpose of the acknowledged origins of Mother’s Day are many. Several cultures site the observance of Goddess manifestation in Mother Goddess or Earth Goddess.

Clearly, the moment of birth or beginning gave the ancient ones pause. The act of becoming Mother in ancient times, as today is an journey of transfiguration for the woman into Mother and the Child into existence. While an occurrence happening everyday, each event is one that should be observed with awe and wonder.

Later, as in the American tradition, the women who sought to call a particular day, Mother’s Day had another agenda, most notably, anti-war or pro-sanitation stances for the American population. These women hoped to find within other women the force of will to make our society less violent and more caring, as a Mother might seek these conditions for her children, so should society seek to make better the conditions of each citizen.

It seems logical that most Mothers would be for Peace, yet, War Continues around the world. It seems that the world would have made headway in some way with “Mothers Against” name your type of pain & suffering, as it shows itself in Lack of Care, Lack of Funding, Lack of Love, yet we find reports of suffering in the daily paper as well as down the street, perhaps, next door.

It was my desire that my children not observe these quirky cultural days in relation to me. Should they desire to do so otherwise with their offspring, that is a choice they will make.

The experiment seems to be successful as we went about our business in much the same way as we do everyday. In much contrast to the day becoming hectic with additional obligations of a “nice dinner out”, our regular simple faire is quite acceptable.

Time is the gift I received with a bit more sleep in the morning, calm throughout the day, a chance to regroup before another busy week and meditation in the sun on this lovely Mother’s Day.