Ending a relationship, especially a life-long relationship, isn’t easy and usually isn’t done without thoughtful reflection. In some cases there is malingering contact that isn’t a relationship but isn’t broken off completely either.
Despite knowing this from past experiences in other relationships, there was one relationship that no matter how much I tried to let go, I found myself returning to “check-in” from time to time, sometimes months, sometimes years between checks. My obligation was often prompted by other people’s questions or stories of reconciliation after years apart. People do change, why don’t you try again? Maybe this time will be different.
Through the Years
So the magical thinking child inside of me, checked-in for a number of years wanting to make everything okay. The emotional adolescent checked-in for some time, angry at the wrongs and hoping for a change. Then finally, the spiritual adult arrived on the scene and said, ‘hey I’m just here to check-in because that’s what people do.’ The adult checking-in had no rhyme just randomly, periodically, via phone, mail, email… Still continuing to do what seemed obligatory by societal standards, though mentally and emotionally knowing nothing would change.
Grace from Above
The cosmic continuum lined up and in a series of events I found myself pulling up to where she was, standing there waiting. Must be a sign we hadn’t seen each other in fifteen years.
Revelation and Release
My appearance obviously came as a complete surprise. For the first time instead of the long standing declaration of love and care, ‘Yes, call,’ ‘Yes, this is important’; I heard, ‘No, don’t call’ and ‘No, I don’t want to see you.’
What I said was: ‘Coming here was a mistake. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
What I thought was: “Finally, the truth… Thank you.”
What happened was the simple realization that there was nothing there… and there never had been.